From 20 to 21: A year of personal development

When looking back, quite a few things have changed but what stands out most of all is that from 20 to 21, I’ve seemingly created this movement of personal development, a journey which I haven’t really embraced before so it’s all very new to me. 

But this thought has provoked new words in my mind, new things to share and something a little more nostalgic to put into writing. 

So lets take a little look back, shall we?

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FROM 20 TO 21: A YEAR OF PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT  

In many ways, this past year has been one of the best, I went to London with my friends, also making my way down to the city with my brother a couple of months after for the launch of the Disability Power List because I was somehow named as one of the most influential disabled people in the UK in 2018? 

I passed my first Open Uni module, gained a distinction for my first examined piece of work, as well as ticking another module off the list last month meaning I’ve completed level 1 of my study (well as long as my results allow it).

I was incredibly lucky in the sense that I got to take a look around The One Show studio in February as well as meeting Miss Alex Jones herself, and perhaps most importantly, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and did things that I was scared of, things that I now look back on with so much positivity. 

Oh and not forgetting the fact that I met Shawn Mendes, I haven’t stopped talking about that one yet. 

I’ve also been a little more honest with myself, I’ve learned to communicate my feelings a little better and I’ve put some of my most vulnerable moments out there on my blog, something which has been a huge part of my personal development over the last twelve months. 

And so, I’ve been trying to welcome some much needed ‘me time’ into my life, accepting that if I’m too exhausted, I need to stop. Acknowledging that if I’m feeling unmotivated, I can take a step back. 

And I think that’s what this last year has been about, acknowledging and accepting these kind of life lessons, those things that, slowly but surely, guide me through each passing month. 

But finding that acceptance hasn’t been easy with doubt creeping in from time to time, acting as a brute force in my already noisy mind

The urgency of the voice that says I need to do more, work harder amongst a million and one more things, it’s daunting because I don’t want to put that pressure on myself but on the other hand, it galvanises my urge to take action, igniting my passion to reach where I want to be. 

And that might be unhealthy, the fact that I let this voice speak over the ones that tell me to slow down, to take time for myself, the ones that are trying to reassure me that I’m doing enough, working hard enough. I’m trying to find the right balance between each conscience and I think I’m finally starting to do just that as I edge closer to 21. 

Sometimes, life just feels like a high speed train, one that stops in a few stations but when it stops, stagnation hits and it can take longer to leave some platforms. 

There are so many things that I’ve wanted to achieve over the past year and I’ve managed to pursue a couple but there have been times when I’ve found myself standing still on the platform, unsure of which direction to go in next. 

But maybe I’ve needed those moments in order to refocus, sometimes it’s important to stand still, to reflect. 

A visit to one platform might be a flying one whilst another might be longer but those longer stops have allowed me to breathe and to find ways of encouraging my goals and wishes into reality. 

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The fact I’ve been able to achieve some of the goals is what I’m most proud of. I’ve done things that I once thought were impossible; going on the train (this one was real not metaphorical) independently as far as Milton Keynes was only a fleeting thought that I soon crushed this time last year, only to revive the idea and achieve it a few months later. 

It might sound like something so small and simple to so many but as a vision impaired person who also has anxiety, it can take all my energy to take the smallest step but this one was a pretty big one for me, an anecdote to my personal development.

I’ve also done a few TV and radio interviews which I’m so proud of since I never thought I’d do such things when I turned 20. I also travelled down south to be a part of a talk about blogging alongside two other Welsh bloggers and whilst we didn’t have the biggest audience, it was still a massive step for me. 

I can so often press judgement and doubt against what I do that I forget that we need to be proud of ourselves sometimes too, even if it’s just for the smallest thing.

We all need to give ourselves a pat on the back sometimes and I think that allowing myself to have those proud moments has encouraged this personal belief that I can achieve and do the things that might make me feel anxious to begin with. Once they’re done, that anxiety can turn into strength that can be used to move forward to the next goal.  

A twinkle of that personal belief has been more prevalent in my year as a 20 year old and it means I’m hopeful of what’s to come, but I have to admit that there have been times when I’ve felt tired and I can’t blame this one on my chronic fatigue.

I’ve been tired of striving to fulfil the image I’d marked out for myself because when I’ve failed to colour in the blank spaces, the disappointment has dragged me back to square one.

I went to my first blogging event in February, something I was so excited to receive the invite to but I wasn’t myself at all, unable to find the words to explain I couldn’t see, letting my anxiety control my levels of confidence and I left feeling like I’d done my true self a disservice and that I’d let two factors of my identity dictate the person I was that day.

 Maybe some of you can empathise when I say that these kind of feelings can wear you down. You start to question yourself, don’t you?

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But alas, the whole year hasn’t been this way, there have been periods where I’ve found my confidence and my passion, sometimes my fire would roar, pushing me forward to the next step, the next challenge, the next deadline. 

Sure, there have been times between 20 and 21 where I’ve found myself at the bottom of the metaphorical mountain, unsure of the best way to climb it. The prospect is exhausting and I’ve been afraid of slipping. 

But despite these doubtful moments, I think I’m making good progress, the train is speeding along and I’m making my way up the mountain, one step at a time is all it takes and who knows where the next one will lead. 

I’m hopeful and curious as to what 21 will bring, confident in the fact that I’ll keep on going with this personal development journey.

I’m sure there will be stops along the way but what is life without a few breaks? They can be just as important, if not more valuable than the busy times and it’s important to utilise them as best as we can when there’s that opportunity to have even just one moment for ourselves. Just a second of quiet. 

Articulating my feelings can sometimes be a tricky one for me but as I make my way from platform to platform, I’m becoming accustomed with the knowledge of what sparks my inner-growth, I know that it takes time and I’m adopting the patience I need in order to encourage it further. 

So at 21, I want to give myself more time to encourage more personal development, more time for myself, more time with friends, more time to read and to write and to do more of what makes me happy. I need to take the time I’m taking right now to make sure those around me are ok but I also need to  remember that I need to take just as much time to ensure that I am too. 

I want to work towards having more trust in what I do and the direction I want to go in and although it’s scary, I know Ican do it. 

I can do it. 

So whilst there have been quite a few ups and downs on this road to 21, what I can say, with confidence, is that my year as a 20 year old has been a year of growth, learning, stepping out of my comfort zone and, you guessed it, personal development. 

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So what’s next? Well, whilst there are whispers of what’s to come, I guess it all remains to be seen, we’ll have to wait and see what I have to say at 22. 

Are you also one who likes to reflect when your birthday rolls around or do you let it pass by just like any other day? I’d love to know what steps you take to encourage your own personal development, tips are always welcome here!

Elin x

P.S. Thank you so much to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday! The messages were so lovely and each one made my day more special. Plus, we managed to raise a little bit of money in my birthday fundraiser for InvisiYouth Charity – thank you so much to anyone who donated or supported in any way! As a Global Brand Leader for the charity this year, I’m really passionate about sharing  and supporting their message and the amazing work they do. They’re doing incredible things to support young people with disabilities and chronic illnesses and if you have a penny or two to spare and would like to support their work, you can donate here. 

THANK YOU!