2019 in review

My blog has been a little frozen over the past few months and nothing seemed to be able to melt the lack of inspiration away, but I had to ensure that I engaged in another yearly review because I think it helps to have some of the memories documented on here. Like a lot of people, it’s not often that I take the time to sit and reflect on what I’ve achieved or overcome but crafting these kinds of posts makes for the perfect excuse to do just that. 

I don’t have a particular structure in mind for this post so I’m just going to see where the words take me as we look back at what 2019 has entailed and, as always, I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing. 

2019 IN REVIEW

Truthfully, I’m not quite sure where to begin with this post since I feel like there’s so much to cover and I don’t know if I can find the words to do it all justice. But we’ll give it a good go. 

I can’t begin to comprehend how lucky I’ve been to have had the opportunities I’ve had this year; From the National Diversity Awards to meeting Shawn Mendes and my BBC interview about sight loss and mental health, there have been some incredible moments and I couldn’t be more grateful. 

But let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

January got off to a busy start with my brother’s 18th birthday celebrations, a weekend in York visiting Holly, Open Uni assignments and a couple of TV interviews; one capturing some of my most vulnerable words about sight loss whilst the other was a complete surprise. 

It was a Sunday morning at the tail-end of the month when a TV crew turned up on my doorstep to let me know that they wanted to feature me in a special programme on S4C that was set to celebrate some of Wales’ bravest/most inspiring children and young people. 

And if that wasn’t gobsmacking enough, I was also told that my Mum and I were being treated to a trip to London to have a wander around The One Show studio and, wait for it… have the opportunity to meet Miss Alex Jones herself.

So, there I was, speechless, because I wasn’t sure what I’d done to deserve this but I was of course incredibly grateful to have such a special opportunity. 

We travelled down to London on the 14th of February, marvelling at the thought of what was ahead of us the following day. We spent the evening with the TV crew which was a treat in itself and after sleepily wandering up to our room at 00:45am, we were more than ready for a good night’s sleep. 

The Friday was incredibly special as expected; Stepping into the BBC building felt surreal in itself and being able to wander around the studio was a real treat. But the cherry on top of the cake was meeting Alex, a fellow Welsh woman of course, who was so incredibly lovely and she and the rest of the team ensured that we felt welcomed throughout our visit. We had a chat which was filmed for the VT which would be shown in the ceremony in March and after snapping a few photos with Alex, my mum, the TV crew and I were let loose on to the studio floor to take some photos on the ever iconic green sofa. What an experience!

The busy day continued as I had my first ever blogging event scribbled in my calendar just after our BBC adventures; An event at the Duck & Dry salon with Blogosphere Magazine which I was so excited to receive the invite for. I felt like I’d made it into some other realm of the blogging world, my first ‘mainstream’ event, if you will, but as I left the BBC and walked the streets of the capital with the maps app on my phone spitting directions in my ear, my anxiety levels shot up and as my Mum and I stood at the top of the stairs in the salon, I felt myself shrink back into the shell that hid me during my school days. 

February also marked the end of my time as a Young Ambassador for VICTA UK with my last independent train journey to Milton Keynes going surprisingly well on the whole. I had an amazing time working with the charity and the other Young Ambassadors when creating STRiVE – VICTA’s e-magazine, and I may or not be working with them again next year… shhh. 

As we neared the end of March, I travelled down to Llanelli with my mum and my brother to attend the ceremony that celebrated all those Welsh youngsters that I mentioned before. Set in a beautiful hotel, we were treated to a selection of heartfelt stories in what was a truly inspiring evening. And, of course, I wrote a little blog post about it all which you can read here if you fancy. 

April was another monumental month since I met Shawn Mendes on the 7th just before he enchanted the Manchester Arena with an incredible concert. Whilst our exchange was short, it was so sweet and he didn’t treat my friend or I any differently because of our vision impairments. I still have to pinch myself every time I think of the day and the blog post I wrote about the experience was one of my favourites of 2019. 

Speaking of favourite blog posts, here seems as good a part as any to mention a few I’ve written throughout the year. 

2019 has been my most vulnerable in terms of the content I’ve shared and whilst it’s been scary to put those aspects of my life out there, the feedback has been oh so rewarding. The posts I published about My Struggle with Confidence and Anxiety & Sight Loss received an overwhelming flood of responses which truly highlighted how many people are experiencing something similar. 

But my five favourite posts of the year have to be, Sometimes I Don’t Want to Talk About my Disability, Are you taking your cane?: My love/hate relationship with my mobility aid, The Fear of Missing Out as a Blind Person in a Visual World, Sight Loss: My Unspoken Reality and the last titled A Letter to my 16-year-old self; You’re going to be ok. 

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I used to worry when crafting these kinds of posts because, to me, they’re feelings that I don’t normally talk about very openly. Yes, most of my posts are quite raw and honest but these ones in particular seemed to warrant a deeper reflection, something I’m not familiar with. 

But I became proud, proud that I decided to share those thoughts with the world because they encouraged conversations that I wouldn’t have had otherwise and I think that truly reflects the power of a blog. 

I was also given the opportunity to share my story elsewhere during the course of 2019; I was interviewed for articles for Allure and the Huffington Post, and I filmed with ITV Wales News which was such a fun experience, one of my favourite interviews to date. 

Anyway, I’ve gone off track now, where was I?

Ahh yes, April. I was asked to chat about my experiences of blogging about sight loss on a panel down in South Wales at the end of the month – something I was incredibly nervous for, something I wouldn’t have done a couple of years ago. But I think I was able to prove to myself that I am actually able to do things that I’m scared of. So 2019 has been a year of realising that stepping out of your comfort zone can be really positive, it’s been a good year in terms of planting that realisation and letting the seed blossom and flourish into a form of encouragement to do more of the things that I’m scared to do. 

I announced my voluntary role as a Global Brand Leader for InvisiYouth Charity in April too. It’s so lovely to be a part of such a supportive community of people who are striving to support and break down barriers for young chronically ill and disabled people. Watch this space for all the amazing projects/work the GBL’s have lined up for 2020. 

May and June weren’t particularly eventful, I was at the tail-end of my second OU module and June saw me complete my first uni exam. 

I found out in July that I HAD PASSED despite having no confidence in the work I had produced and, that was it, level 1 of my degree was done and dusted and I have to say that it was a very proud moment. More so because I really struggled with some aspects of the two modules I studied and there were moments when I doubted if I had made the right choice in terms of the degree I’m studying. But I’ve finally reached the creative writing module and it really has proven to me that this is what I want to do. 

I celebrated my 21st birthday in July and the memories I created with family and friends were ones I’ll treasure forever. 

I also found out that I had been shortlisted in the National Diversity Awards as a Positive Role Model for Disability. Typing those words still feel so surreal and the glittering ceremony that I attended with my Mum in Liverpool in September was one of the most memorable nights of 2019 for me. You can read all about it in this post right here. 

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I feel like I’m here, there and everywhere during this post but I’m typing as I remember things so apologies if it all seems sporadic and discombobulated. Please bare with me. 

After celebrating my cousin’s wedding in August, my Mum and I travelled to Leeds the next day to see Ed Sheeran in concert at Roundhay Park. Our journey was eventful to say the least but it was worth it to hear Ed live for the second time – I’d go as far as to say that he was even better than the first time around, who knew that was possible?

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I did my third RNIB Connect Radio interview in September and from there on out I became a regular interviewee on The Afternoon Edition on the station which was so exciting for me. I chat to the presenter, Simon, about a particular topic once a month and I can’t wait to work more with them in the new year. 

I started a five week internship with Disability Wales at the end of the month which was a great experience. It was a virtual internship which opened my eyes to a different way of working and I learned so much about DW, their work and what they do to support disabled people in Wales. 

September also saw one of my articles for Able making it into the physical version of the magazine and I also wrote a guest article for Leonard Cheshire, this one was all about accessibility in the beauty and fashion industries which I really enjoyed working on and I’m hoping that I’ll be able to focus a lot more on these kinds of topics in 2020. 

October was a busy month in terms of guest blog posts too, I wrote two of my favourites from the year; One for Disabled Living on my sight loss story and the second for LOOK UK all about my journey from feeling uncomfortable to confident when using my white cane. 

Speaking of LOOK, I applied to become one of their mentors for younger vision impaired people and was invited to attend a training weekend in Buxton at the beginning of November. I spent two nights in the secluded Derbyshire countryside in the company of so many other vision impaired people, learning all about LOOK, their mission and all the important aspects of becoming a mentor. We were also treated to some delicious food and it was a great opportunity to meet others who had the same goal – to use their own experiences of living as vision impaired people to help others who are in a similar situation.  

We’re nearing the end now, I promise. 

It was another trip to London for my Mum and I at the end of November to celebrate the RNIB See Differently Awards. It was so lovely to meet some of my Twitter pals whilst we were there and to cheer on all the amazing people who are working hard to make the world a more accessible place for blind/VI people. 

Let’s not talk about the fact that I had a panic attack and nearly fainted on the tube on the way back to the train station – tube = never.again. 

And here we are, December at last. 

Nothing incredibly noteworthy has happened during this month, I’ve mostly spent it flailing around, trying to figure out what to buy everyone for Christmas and placing last minute panic orders online just 5 days before the big day. I’m sure some of you can empathise.

One thing I am proud of this month however is this short video I filmed with Disability Wales in honour of International Day of Disabled People. I had such lovely feedback from family and friends and it felt like something really special to create and share. 

During these last few weeks of the year, I feel like I’ve adopted this new mentality, one that allows me to take a step back when I need to. I’m realising that I need to give myself some more time off and to have a breather if things are a little overwhelming.

This is one of the reasons that my blog has been quite vacant over the past couple of months; I’m exhausted, physically and mentally, which is why I found it difficult to harbour any form of content idea. 

And so, my priorities are finally shifting a little and I’m trying to do things differently. I’m realising the importance of taking more time for myself, to take a step back, to breathe, I’m trying to dedicate some more time for myself, whether that’s taking myself outside for a little while or to sit down with a good audiobook. 

That’s one thing I have done more of in 2019 – read. I’ve embraced my bookish ways and tried to read at least one book a week. I managed to see that goal through on the whole, with the exception of a few reads that took a couple weeks longer for one reason or another. 

But I’ve enjoyed escaping into the fictional world and, whilst I no longer have the luxury of being able to have a physical book splayed open on my lap, an audiobook is just as engaging – in fact, this was proven this year. 

Some of my favourite reads have included Still Me by Jojo Moyes (the last book in the Me Before You series which is my all time favourite), The Girl You Left Behind – again by Moyes (I’ve just started reading another of her novels, is it obvious that she’s my favourite author yet?). Other favourites have included The Flatshare by Beth O’leary, Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman, The New Fashion Rules by Victoria Magrath and The Hating Game by Sally Thorne. 

And my TBR list is steadily growing for 2020 so I can’t wait to get stuck into some new books come the new year. 

I feel like I’ve formed somewhat of a highlights reel in this post which is not what I intended it to be so I think it’s important to note that whilst I’ve had all these incredible moments, there have been tough ones to match the good and this has been especially true in the latter part of the year. 

Chronic fatigue has truly driven its roots into my being over the past couple of months and the deterioration in my eyesight has been noticeable throughout the year. And, quite honestly, I’m scared of how rapidly I’m losing focus on my world, but that’s a topic for another day. 

On the whole, it’s been quite a momentous year and whilst I’ve struggled with a lot of aspects of 2019, I’m incredibly grateful for all the wonderful opportunities I’ve had, the memories I’ve been able to create and the strength I managed to find when I wasn’t quite sure how to carry on. 

I really have felt disillusioned with my work and my blog over the past couple of months, I’ve seemed to be living in the land of the uninspired with stagnation threading through my thoughts, blocking the things I want to pursue and create. But I think I’m finally graduating from this place and I’m excited to say that I’m moving in to 2020 with a head full of ideas and goals I want to achieve, so all I need is the right amount of acceleration to set it all in motion. 

So there we have it, some of my most treasured moments of 2019 captured in just over 3000 words. I would apologise for the lengthy ramble but if you come here often, I don’t think you’d expect anything less. 

I feel a little dazed from all of 2019’s happenings and I’m still trying to battle the extreme exhaustion that’s gripped me over the past few weeks but we’ve made it, it’s been one hell of a journey but we’ve made it. I’m more than ready to descend into a state of relaxation over the festive break and to try to restore some energy, ready to do it all again in 2020. 

So as we cast off from the year, I want to take the opportunity to say a massive thank you for all your support throughout 2019. Your comments and messages have all been so lovely and encouraging and I couldn’t be more grateful for your unwavering support. 

I’m off to fiddle with sellotape and wrapping paper now in an attempt to wrap my friends and family’s Christmas presents but, with my track record, it might be better to pop them in a gift bag. 

How has 2019 treated you? I’d love to hear from you during this end of year limbo, feel free to share some of your highlights – highs, lows and everything in-between. I know that Christmas can be a difficult time of year for some but I hope the festive period is filled with lots of love and that you’re able to indulge in some well-deserved relaxation. We so often denounce self-care as something insignificant compared to the other things we have going on in our lives but taking a step back is so important, a profound experience that I hope we’ll all focus on doing more of come 2020. But for now, I hope you enjoy the festivities and that you’re able to spend the coming days with your loved ones. 

Until next year!

Lots of love,

Elin x