Hello everyone and welcome back to My Blurred World.
I hope you’re all doing really well.
Today I’m writing a post all about why I didn’t tell anyone about my blog. I was in two minds about writing this post but I asked on Twitter if this was something you’d like to see and all of those who voted in the poll voted yes so here I am, writing it for you today.
I’m rather nervous to publish this post, I’m not quite sure why, I think I need to take a few deep breaths before continuing to write this one.
(Takes a deep breath).
Right then let’s do this.
In April this year I will have been blogging for two years. The only person who has known of my blog since the very beginning is my brother, that’s right I didn’t even tell my parents until a few months down the line. I’m not sure why the reason of this was, I think I was afraid that they’d be mad at me for publishing things online, this wasn’t the case and when I finally told them about my blog they were very supportive and happy that I was trying to make a change and raise awareness of visual impairment. I felt a sense of relief after telling them about my blog, I could now talk openly about it at home and that was something that made me very happy. (Not telling my parents about my blog was something I really regretted).
I didn’t feel the need to tell anyone else other than my immediate family about my blog, I was quite happy with only my parents and my brother knowing, I wanted it to be my little corner of the internet that was just for me, something that I didn’t have to share with other people I knew offline.
If I’m completely honest with you, one of the main reasons for not telling anyone about my blog was because I was afraid of what people might think. I felt embarrassed (I know now that I shouldn’t be) but for months I was worried about people I know in my life offline finding out about my blog, reading so many things that I published, things that I hadn’t necessarily talked about offline with the people in my life.
I was still a sixth form student until I completed my studies in June last year so I definitely didn’t want anyone from school to find out about it incase people started talking about it behind my back, I wasn’t prepared for that. People were talking about me behind my back anyway so I definitely wasn’t going to give them the opportunity to speak about something else that I did.
That is why I didn’t reveal my name for about a year and a half as a blogger, I was skeptical about revealing my name online anyway because of privacy and safety and all that jazz but I also thought that if my name was connected to my blog it would be easier for people to find it. But on September 8th I decided to bite the bullet and publish a post about Who I really am. I was very nervous about publishing this post as it’s quite possibly one of the most personal posts I’ve ever published, but after a lot of thinking I decided that there wasn’t any point in hiding it anymore. I wanted my blog to be more personal and for it to be written by me, Elin, rather than just being published on ‘My Blurred World’.
Blogging can be something very personal, especially for me as I write about my experiences with disability, other medical conditions, bullying, confidence, anxiety and so forth. All these topics were not necessarily things I talked about openly in my life offline, I’m not sure why, I guess I feel like I can’t express those feelings and explain them in person but writing about them is much easier. I could talk openly about these things on my blog without anyone offline knowing about it and I would feel completely comfortable when writing them, not that I wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about them with family and/or friends, it was just that part of me inside which was afraid of people I knew reading them and wondering why I had never talked about the topics with them. It’s hard to explain but I hope it makes some kind of sense.
Sometimes I feel like blogging is my only escape, somewhere I can escape to share my honest feelings, if I ever feel down I always start writing a post even if it doesn’t end up being published. My blog is somewhere where I can be completely myself, as I said I felt like it was an escape from the real world, my life offline and the people who were in it. I don’t mean that in a harsh way, my point is that blogging was a way of expression for me and I didn’t have to share it with those people in my life offline, I could escape everything around me and sometimes that’s very important to me.
A couple of people I knew of offline found my blog after my best friend Holly and I published our posts called ‘Meeting my best friend’. I’m not sure how they found it but they did and I was so nervous after they did, I’m not sure why, it just felt awkward to me that people who worked at the school I attended were now readers of my blog and potentially reading the posts I published about school and the experience I had. However, I did get used to this idea and after a while I felt more confident with the posts I was publishing and I started to realise that I had nothing to be ashamed of.
I was asked at the end of November if I wanted to do a radio interview and of course I said yes as it was such a great opportunity. This interview was aired on RNIB (Royal national institute of blind people)’s connect radio, I’ve been a member of the RNIB for a few years now but as of September last year I started as one of their employee’s so I’ve come to know a few people within the organisation. As the interview was aired on the RNIB radio I was fully aware that there was a chance of someone I knew within the organisation hearing the interview and therefore finding out about my blog, by this point I was ok with that. This ended up being the case and the information about my blog then reached my place of work resulting in all my colleagues finding out about it, listening to my interview and reading my posts. I wasn’t in work the day they found out about it but this was the main topic of conversation when I attended work on the Monday. I received compliments on my writing style, how I was raising awareness, the appearance of my blog and my posts in general and it made me question why I was ever embarrassed to share it with anyone.
As we entered 2017 the rest of my family started finding out about my blog, people such as my cousins, aunties and gran. I was so overwhelmed with all of their support and again it just triggered that thought in my mind about why I never told anyone about my blog.
I now feel completely comfortable when talking about it, I dont’ worry about the fact that my family and other people I know offline now read my blog.
If you’re a blogger yourself and you feel embarrassed or ashamed of letting people know about it then just know that you have nothing to worry about. Being a blogger, a youtuber or any other content creator is something to be proud of. I think that’s a message that everyone needs to hear. If you’re a content creator for all the right reasons then there’s nothing to be ashamed of, I don’t know why I ever thought that way.
I’m now proud of my blog and the content I publish, I publish every single post being completely happy with them and I don’t worry about who might read it (within reason of course).
So yes I was embarrassed, afraid of what people might think of my blog, the content I published etc etc but now I realise that there was absolutely no reason to be. I’m so grateful for the support I’ve received both online and offline, the support I receive from family, friends and you my readers means everything to me and I would just like to say thank you.
I hope you enjoyed today’s post. Thank you so much for reading it. Have you ever felt embarrassed about your blog? Have you kept it a secret or haven’t told anyone about it?